There’s a concept in Somatic Experiencing® called Coherence. It describes how there is harmony in the system of our bodies that is always present. Sometimes this harmony is low, sometimes it is high. The higher the harmony, the more resilient we are, the better we are able to manage our stress, the more we are able to regulate our emotions, the more we are able to maintain a sense of connection to others, and the more physically healthy we are.
There were many days over the past year where the only thing that kept me hopeful was the knowledge that regardless of what was going on, something was working in my favor to allow my eyes to open every morning, to get the strength to take care of my little one, and to be present for the clients that I had committed to working with. Moreover, something was working to allow me to actually do these things well the majority of the time. This something is Coherence.
Recognizing Coherence
Before I had the language and understanding of Coherence, I was familiar enough with the concept of silver linings, of cultivating a gratitude practice, and of Fred Rogers’ advice to “look for the helpers” during scary times. In the worst moments, there is still something within my life that is working for my highest good. Even if I can’t see it–even if I don’t want to see it, it’s working nevertheless. I’ve written about gratitude before, but I want to invite you to expand your practice to include looking for those moments of coherence.
Gratitude is usually a topic or a practice reserved for those weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. However, as we enter a new year rife with many of the same challenges and losses of the previous year, it can be helpful to begin this year with a practice that can get us through those tough moments with a greater sense of how resilient we actually are. Regardless of what we’ve been through or how beat up we feel because of it, the reality is that if you’re reading this right now, you’ve survived.
What helped you get through the last year?
Reflecting on the past 12 months, I can identify a variety of routines, people, habits, and activities that made the stress, uncertainty, and fear more bearable: family walks around the lake, weekly zoom calls with friends and family, marathon text sessions with my sister, funny Enneagram videos on YouTube, designing my island on Animal Crossing: New Horizons, books, deleting social media apps off my phone, morning walks or yoga, music, journal writing, the day-to-day structure of managing a household, parenting, virtual schooling, and owning a business, weekly (or more) psychotherapy, art journaling, sinking my hands into the soft belly fur of my cats, tending to my garden and savoring every beautiful bloom, watching the baby rabbits, squirrels, chipmunks, and birds frolic next to the bird feeder…I can go on and on…
Who are the people, places, and things that have helped you get to this place where you can be reading this post today?
When you think about one of those things, what starts to happen?
When I remember last spring’s bunnies*, a big smile comes to my face. That smile brings a sense of warmth to my cheeks, which spreads down my neck, and into my chest. It finally rests within my shoulders. I start to think about how much I miss them, which brings up some sadness. When I bring my focus back to the pleasant warmth, I notice that my breath gets deeper. I then feel a sense of ease.
How to recognize signs of coherence?
What are the things bringing you ease today? If you’re having trouble identifying them, consider the answers to these questions:
- When was the last time you felt the most like yourself or the self you want to be?
- What is working in your life right now?
- When have you felt the most alive in the past two weeks?
- When have you felt the most at ease in the past two weeks?
These are the people, places, things, experiences, and moments that can be added to your gratitude list. On the hard days, pull out your list, and remember that moment. Invite in even a tiny little drop of the sensation that the memory provides.
For a description of creating a gratitude bowl for use in a gratitude practice, visit this old post, which was originally published in the November 2017 issue of WNC Woman Magazine, which is now defunct.
*While writing this I learned that baby rabbits are called kittens, not bunnies! Who knew!?
About the Author
Kara Ashley-Gilmore believes in the use of our innate creativity for our wellness and healing. She is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Registered Art Therapist, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner-in-Training, and a mixed-media artist at Mountain Creative Arts Counseling, in Hendersonville, NC. She provides individual and group psychotherapy with individuals who feel crushed by the weight of their worries, dread their next panic attack, and live with overactive inner critics. Learn more about her work at www.mountaincreativearts.com.